Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
