guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
