So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
