Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
