You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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