Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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