Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well you can't waste a boner
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
