Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
