I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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