I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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