HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
