It's Friday. Sex?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
