Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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