Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
