that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
