doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
