Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
