Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
