so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
