Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
