My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
