it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
