shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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