the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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