I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
