I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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