I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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