This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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