going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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