If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
