Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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