Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
