Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
