Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
