worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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