I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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