my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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