Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
