Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
