If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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