Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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