You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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