I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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