At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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