I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
