So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
