I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
