I only kidnapped one of them. chill
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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