i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
