She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
