Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
