he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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